1 00:00:17,021 --> 00:00:18,021 -Hello. -Good night. 2 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:25,021 Is it full again tonight? 3 00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,021 -I'm sorry? 4 00:00:29,021 --> 00:00:31,021 -You... 5 00:00:38,021 --> 00:00:39,021 MAN: Good morning. WOMAN 1: Good morning. 6 00:00:39,021 --> 00:00:41,021 -WOMAN 2: Good morning. 7 00:00:41,021 --> 00:00:42,021 Living the dream. 8 00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:16,021 ALISON: It's clear. 9 00:01:16,021 --> 00:01:17,021 Yeah! 10 00:01:21,021 --> 00:01:22,021 On their brands. 11 00:01:24,021 --> 00:01:25,021 Get ready. 12 00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:27,021 Go! 13 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,021 For the King and the country! 14 00:01:30,021 --> 00:01:32,021 -Good morning. -Good morning. 15 00:01:32,021 --> 00:01:34,021 If music is the food of love... 16 00:01:40,021 --> 00:01:43,021 -He really talks to me. -Oh, no, not this idiot again. 17 00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:45,021 Get work done! 18 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:48,021 Oh, eh, eh, four down is a pain. 19 00:01:48,021 --> 00:01:49,021 Boom. Boom. 20 00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:51,021 Robin, for the last time, no newspaper is going to... 21 00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:54,021 Three letters, gluteus maximus... 22 00:01:54,021 --> 00:01:56,021 -Oh, yes, you're right. -...he's lazy. 23 00:01:56,021 --> 00:01:57,021 -Yeah. - Buh, uh... 24 00:01:57,021 --> 00:01:58,021 -Good. Very good. -JULIAN: Come on! 25 00:01:59,021 --> 00:02:00,021 -Come on. -Yeah. 26 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,021 -Alright. -Yeah. 27 00:02:03,021 --> 00:02:06,021 He reminds me of Chelsea's David Lloyd. 28 00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:11,021 -So, where do we get to? -Eh, to the '86 World Cup. 29 00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:12,021 They are quarterfinals. 30 00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:14,021 -England-Argentina. -Oh, right. 31 00:02:14,021 --> 00:02:16,021 Ah, the hand of God. 32 00:02:17,021 --> 00:02:18,021 Your what? 33 00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:21,021 Maradona scores with his hand and changes the course of the match. 34 00:02:21,021 --> 00:02:22,021 Well, don't tell me the result... 35 00:02:22,021 --> 00:02:24,021 2-1 for Argentina. 36 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:27,021 What's wrong with you? 37 00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,021 -You are absolutely... -Dikhet. 38 00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:31,021 -Robin! -Is it a six-letter permit to travel? 39 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,021 -look! -Oh, ticket! 40 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,021 -Look! -Ticket! 41 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,021 -Here. -Yeah. Alright. 42 00:02:37,021 --> 00:02:39,021 You're getting good at this. 43 00:02:39,021 --> 00:02:41,021 Well, I'm very smart. Ugh. 44 00:02:41,021 --> 00:02:42,021 Hey! 45 00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:43,021 -Uh-uh! -Ugh. 46 00:02:46,021 --> 00:02:48,021 'Orse. 47 00:02:48,021 --> 00:02:50,021 Hey. Eh-eh-eh-eh-horse. 48 00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:53,021 Oh, laughing horse. 49 00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:56,021 Thank you. 50 00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:01,021 -Absolute filth! 51 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,021 Oh, thank you very much. 52 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:10,021 Oh! I don't like where this is going. 53 00:03:12,021 --> 00:03:14,021 -Tomorrow. 54 00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:15,021 -Good morning. -Hello, Alison. 55 00:03:15,021 --> 00:03:17,021 -Back to the routine. 56 00:03:17,021 --> 00:03:19,021 -Yeah. -Which reminds me, 57 00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:21,021 We found this whetstone. 58 00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:22,021 14th century. 59 00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:25,021 Honestly, their winery is literally a gold mine. 60 00:03:25,021 --> 00:03:27,021 -When do you say literally? -Archaeologically speaking. 61 00:03:27,021 --> 00:03:28,021 Oh yes. 62 00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:32,021 There we go then. 63 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:35,021 Oh, push it! 64 00:03:37,021 --> 00:03:39,021 -Well? -Two minutes, 30. 65 00:03:39,021 --> 00:03:40,021 Just like... Well, always. 66 00:03:40,021 --> 00:03:42,021 I mean, it's always two minutes, 30. 67 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:43,021 Explosion! 68 00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,021 -Well, keep it up. -Hmm. 69 00:03:45,021 --> 00:03:47,021 Maybe I need to try some new stretches or something? 70 00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:51,021 Yes. Or maybe you can't go any faster. 71 00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:53,021 You know, because you can't build muscle, 72 00:03:53,021 --> 00:03:54,021 What's wrong with you being...? 73 00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:58,021 And I say it with all the love in the world, 74 00:03:58,021 --> 00:04:01,021 We don't win the war with attitudes like that, 75 00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:02,021 -No. -No! 76 00:04:02,021 --> 00:04:05,021 Good. I'm going to go stretch my hamstrings. 77 00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:07,021 ALISON: Well, I mean, they won't stretch, 78 00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:09,021 He is dead. 79 00:04:09,021 --> 00:04:10,021 -I'm dead. -Yes, you are dead, yes. 80 00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,021 -You will be dead soon. -That? 81 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:14,021 I'm sorry. 82 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,021 ARCHAEOLOGIST: Correct. 83 00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:18,021 It is difficult to reach a conclusion about the cause of death. 84 00:04:18,021 --> 00:04:19,021 but, uh, well, it's going to be a plague, right? 85 00:04:21,021 --> 00:04:24,021 From the pelvis I would say it is feminine. 86 00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:28,021 -30 to 40. 87 00:04:28,021 --> 00:04:30,021 Down, down. 88 00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,021 Arched right femur. Possible lameness. 89 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,021 - The winner! 90 00:04:33,021 --> 00:04:35,021 Evidence of extensive syphilis. 91 00:04:36,021 --> 00:04:37,021 No, no, not that part. 92 00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:39,021 The same as yesterday's male. 93 00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:40,021 -Geoff! -That? 94 00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:42,021 Someone has misbehaved! 95 00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:43,021 -Hello! 96 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,021 -Hello, stranger. -I forgot to say. 97 00:04:45,021 --> 00:04:47,021 that, uh, we have a photographer coming today 98 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:49,021 to take a photo for our brochure. 99 00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:50,021 -Oh, for the hotel? -Eh... 100 00:04:51,021 --> 00:04:54,021 No, we ran out of money. 101 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:56,021 This. 102 00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:57,021 So we are thinking of trying to use 103 00:04:57,021 --> 00:04:59,021 Some of the large function rooms, 104 00:04:59,021 --> 00:05:01,021 weddings, you know, uh... 105 00:05:01,021 --> 00:05:03,021 -Good. -Which will be fine, yes. 106 00:05:03,021 --> 00:05:06,021 Uh, yeah, and we have to get it. 107 00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:08,021 So do you think you could move your truck? 108 00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:09,021 Well, I could, but... 109 00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:11,021 Yes, great, thank you. 110 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:14,021 -Any end in sight? -Eh, yeah, we're almost there. 111 00:05:14,021 --> 00:05:15,021 There are only a few days left. 112 00:05:15,021 --> 00:05:17,021 Sorry it took so long. 113 00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:19,021 There is so much history in this place. 114 00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:22,021 Seriously, if these bones could talk. 115 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:23,021 Yeah, well, that would save us all. 116 00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:26,021 Isn't it a big problem? But who would believe you? 117 00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:30,021 Uh-oh! 118 00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:37,021 So the goal is to turn it into a meeting place. 119 00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:38,021 A place for what? 120 00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:42,021 Um, well, you know, weddings, parties, Bar Mitzvahs. 121 00:05:42,021 --> 00:05:44,021 Girls Mitzvahs. -Bat Mitzvahs. 122 00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:46,021 For bats? 123 00:05:47,021 --> 00:05:49,021 -That? -Hey? 124 00:05:49,021 --> 00:05:52,021 Hey, we need it to look good. 125 00:05:52,021 --> 00:05:54,021 So if you could avoid the bad parts. 126 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,021 -Well, just find the best angle. 127 00:05:58,021 --> 00:06:00,021 Yeah, I mean, we know the camera never lies, 128 00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:03,021 But if I couldn't tell the whole truth, 129 00:06:03,021 --> 00:06:05,021 So that would be very useful for us. 130 00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:06,021 -I'll see what I can do. -Brilliant. 131 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,021 There just isn't enough space 132 00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:14,021 To make the entire roof! 133 00:06:16,021 --> 00:06:17,021 It's... 134 00:06:17,021 --> 00:06:19,021 He is the third Earl of Wimborne. 135 00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:22,021 -Well. 136 00:06:22,021 --> 00:06:25,021 I'm not sure Impressions Club is going to work, right? 137 00:06:25,021 --> 00:06:27,021 Well, let's not rush too much. 138 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,021 Nobody has listened to my Nelson Mandela. 139 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,021 -Scandalous! -I haven't done it yet. 140 00:06:31,021 --> 00:06:33,021 No, no, no, no! 141 00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:39,021 Alison, get the merchant off the lawn! 142 00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:41,021 -Click! -Hey, Rory, can we try...? 143 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:42,021 -Here? -Yes, just... 144 00:06:43,021 --> 00:06:44,021 Totally off the grass! 145 00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:45,021 -A little... -Yes. 146 00:06:45,021 --> 00:06:46,021 Both feet! 147 00:06:47,021 --> 00:06:48,021 -Yeah. And more... -Hurry up! 148 00:06:48,021 --> 00:06:49,021 And just... That's perfect. 149 00:06:49,021 --> 00:06:51,021 -Here? -Yeah. 150 00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:54,021 What happened to the standards? 151 00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:57,021 Of course. You don't have to let things go. 152 00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:59,021 It just takes a little... 153 00:06:59,021 --> 00:07:01,021 -...effort. 154 00:07:33,021 --> 00:07:35,021 Phew! Look at this evil old man... 155 00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:46,021 -Isn't that...? -Oh, no. 156 00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:54,021 MIKE: She's everywhere. 157 00:07:55,021 --> 00:07:56,021 Look, and there! 158 00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,021 -Where did you get that from? -Thence. 159 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,021 -Did you know that this happens? -I had no idea. 160 00:08:03,021 --> 00:08:04,021 If that's really me, 161 00:08:04,021 --> 00:08:06,021 She looks at least 20 years older. 162 00:08:06,021 --> 00:08:08,021 -How can you see it? 163 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:11,021 Maybe it's just if you're in a bad mood. 164 00:08:11,021 --> 00:08:12,021 -Ah! -Or ugly. 165 00:08:12,021 --> 00:08:15,021 Well, his photo is now all over Facebook. 166 00:08:15,021 --> 00:08:16,021 So we can say goodbye to holding events. 167 00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:18,021 Nobody wants a haunted wedding. 168 00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:19,021 Nobody will know. 169 00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,021 Look, it's just a window and it doesn't say where it is. 170 00:08:21,021 --> 00:08:23,021 -ALISON: Mmm. 171 00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,021 Okay, but does anyone actually read the comments? 172 00:08:27,021 --> 00:08:30,021 JUSTIN: Oh! Look at them! They are gullible cretins! 173 00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:32,021 I mean what kind of idiot believes in ghosts? 174 00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:34,021 You are a ghost. 175 00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:37,021 Well, yeah, but, you know, before I became one, 176 00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:39,021 You wouldn't have caught me believing 177 00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:40,021 in this kind of nonsense. 178 00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:41,021 ALISON: I'm going to go talk to them. 179 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,021 MIKE: And what do you say? 180 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,021 That ghosts don't exist. 181 00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:48,021 Yes, you tell him. Damn weirdos! 182 00:08:50,021 --> 00:08:53,021 Hello hello. I'm Alison and I own the house. 183 00:08:53,021 --> 00:08:54,021 -Eh... 184 00:08:55,021 --> 00:08:56,021 Yes! 185 00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,021 Look, I know why you're here, 186 00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:01,021 but I can assure you that there are no ghosts... Ghosts. 187 00:09:01,021 --> 00:09:03,021 There is no ghost. 188 00:09:03,021 --> 00:09:06,021 I know it looks like a very creepy old house, 189 00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:09,021 But nothing strange really happens here. 190 00:09:09,021 --> 00:09:11,021 -Hello Alison. -Could you open the door? 191 00:09:12,021 --> 00:09:13,021 Oh really? Now? 192 00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:14,021 Well, you made us move the truck. 193 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,021 Yes. 194 00:09:20,021 --> 00:09:23,021 -MAN: Is that the Gray Lady? 195 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,021 Obviously I know what that looks like, 196 00:09:25,021 --> 00:09:27,021 but that has nothing to do with ghosts... Ghost! 197 00:09:27,021 --> 00:09:30,021 Hey, look, the photo is fake. 198 00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:31,021 and I would really appreciate it 199 00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:33,021 If everyone could go home, please, 200 00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:35,021 and not spread any rumors or... 201 00:09:38,021 --> 00:09:40,021 -Well, that worked. -Hmm. 202 00:09:40,021 --> 00:09:42,021 So you're an expert in the paranormal? 203 00:09:42,021 --> 00:09:44,021 Yes, indeed I am. 204 00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:47,021 a paranormal podder, blogger, vlogger and psogger. 205 00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:48,021 Suffocating? 206 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:51,021 He is a psychic blogger. The P is not pronounced. 207 00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,021 Oh, uh, oh, we're on television. 208 00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:54,021 We're on television! 209 00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:56,021 Oh, we're on television. 210 00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:58,021 Oh, come, come see, look, eh, look, look. 211 00:09:58,021 --> 00:10:01,021 -Some very fascinating spirits, 212 00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,021 erm, and there are many 213 00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:04,021 emanations that come from... that come from this house... 214 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,021 Sorry, what was that, Tony? 215 00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,021 That's my guide, Tony. 216 00:10:07,021 --> 00:10:09,021 Yeah, no, I was just saying. 217 00:10:09,021 --> 00:10:10,021 something bad happened here... 218 00:10:10,021 --> 00:10:12,021 MIKE: We're all over Twitter. 219 00:10:12,021 --> 00:10:14,021 "Man, this photo has me stunned. 220 00:10:14,021 --> 00:10:18,021 "That ghost is very scary..." Is she in the room? 221 00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:19,021 BOTH: Yes. 222 00:10:19,021 --> 00:10:21,021 Well, it doesn't say "ma'am." 223 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,021 It's a shame that the owners 224 00:10:23,021 --> 00:10:26,021 because the opportunity to study this type of 225 00:10:26,021 --> 00:10:27,021 It is very valuable. 226 00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:29,021 How valuable? 227 00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:31,021 Let's find out. 228 00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:38,021 Hello... Hello... Hello! 229 00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:41,021 Hello, yes, I'm Mike, I live here and... 230 00:10:43,021 --> 00:10:44,021 -I do it! -MAN: If you say so. 231 00:10:44,021 --> 00:10:47,021 Anyway, my wife might have been a little hasty. 232 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,021 with some of the things he said before. 233 00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:51,021 Well, let me tell you something. 234 00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,021 And you can just be yourself 235 00:10:53,021 --> 00:10:55,021 Without me telling you not to do it, 236 00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,021 So go completely ghost. 237 00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:59,021 Julián, put whatever you want. 238 00:10:59,021 --> 00:11:00,021 Robin, go crazy with the lights. 239 00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:03,021 Maria, there are many strange burning smells. 240 00:11:03,021 --> 00:11:04,021 And some photos of Fanny. 241 00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:06,021 -Oh, can I play? -Oh, yes! 242 00:11:06,021 --> 00:11:08,021 Teamwork makes the team work. 243 00:11:09,021 --> 00:11:11,021 -No... -No, talk yourselves. 244 00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:13,021 Personally, I don't want a bunch of misfits. 245 00:11:13,021 --> 00:11:14,021 snooping in every corner, 246 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,021 keeping us awake at night 247 00:11:15,021 --> 00:11:17,021 with its probes and its machines... 248 00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:18,021 -Captain...Captain... -Yes? 249 00:11:18,021 --> 00:11:23,021 Actually... it's just these four that I really need. 250 00:11:23,021 --> 00:11:25,021 No offense, but, as for the disturbing thing, 251 00:11:25,021 --> 00:11:26,021 You really don't have much to offer. 252 00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:29,021 No, it's okay, actually, uh... 253 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:32,021 Because I'm, uh... I'm busy with something. 254 00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:33,021 -Then, thank you. -Mmm-hmm. 255 00:11:36,021 --> 00:11:38,021 Sorry, guys. 256 00:11:38,021 --> 00:11:39,021 No. 257 00:11:39,021 --> 00:11:41,021 I wish I could do something 258 00:11:41,021 --> 00:11:42,021 to help the beautiful Alison. 259 00:11:42,021 --> 00:11:44,021 Yes, the irony, huh? 260 00:11:44,021 --> 00:11:47,021 He had so many skills in life, 261 00:11:47,021 --> 00:11:49,021 tying knots, setting up tents, archery... 262 00:11:49,021 --> 00:11:52,021 -Oh, no, well... -ALISON: And Mike has this. 263 00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:53,021 Mug "No sugar, I'm sweet enough" 264 00:11:53,021 --> 00:11:55,021 I would really love to meet with an accident, 265 00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:58,021 -So, if you could push him suddenly... 266 00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:01,021 -...erm... -And what's in this for me? 267 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,021 Well, there really isn't much I can... 268 00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,021 -A smartphone. -That? 269 00:12:04,021 --> 00:12:06,021 There was a review in Robin's paper. 270 00:12:06,021 --> 00:12:08,021 for an application that allows you 271 00:12:08,021 --> 00:12:10,021 Play golf with one finger 272 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,021 on a smartphone. 273 00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:13,021 But it's hundreds of pounds. 274 00:12:13,021 --> 00:12:15,021 Well, if you don't want my help. 275 00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:16,021 Are you trying to blackmail me? 276 00:12:16,021 --> 00:12:20,021 With all due respect, I think the real problem here is... 277 00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:23,021 Er... Oh, I'm not on Newsnight now, am I? 278 00:12:23,021 --> 00:12:24,021 Yes, it's blackmail. 279 00:12:24,021 --> 00:12:26,021 Oh, come on, Julian, 280 00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:27,021 Everyone else is willing to help. 281 00:12:27,021 --> 00:12:29,021 Alison, I'm not willing to help. 282 00:12:29,021 --> 00:12:32,021 The burning smell, huh, reminds me of being tied up. 283 00:12:33,021 --> 00:12:34,021 And for that reason, I'm out. 284 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,021 Hmm! 285 00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:38,021 -JULIAN: The offer still stands. 286 00:12:38,021 --> 00:12:40,021 And I will not let myself be exhibited 287 00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:42,021 Like a Parisian concubine. 288 00:12:42,021 --> 00:12:44,021 Yes, she is not a porcupine. 289 00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:47,021 Ah! And I'm not a fairground phenomenon. 290 00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:49,021 -Actually, Robin, 291 00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:52,021 Having been in a sideshow, you're exactly like... 292 00:12:53,021 --> 00:12:54,021 No, no, nothing. 293 00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:56,021 Guys... Guys... 294 00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:59,021 And that's it! We have paying guests. 295 00:12:59,021 --> 00:13:00,021 The night of the ghosts has begun! 296 00:13:00,021 --> 00:13:02,021 Small problem. 297 00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:03,021 There are no ghosts. 298 00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:09,021 MIKE: Welcome to Button House. ALISON: Hello. 299 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,021 -Hello. -MIKE: Right over there. 300 00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:12,021 So what do we do? 301 00:13:12,021 --> 00:13:13,021 I promised them that things would move on their own. 302 00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:15,021 and strange smells and lights that go out... 303 00:13:15,021 --> 00:13:16,021 They have gone on strike. I mean, 304 00:13:16,021 --> 00:13:18,021 -What do you want me to do? -Don't know. 305 00:13:18,021 --> 00:13:19,021 -You are the ghost expert. -Hmm. 306 00:13:19,021 --> 00:13:22,021 You are a ghost expert. 307 00:13:22,021 --> 00:13:24,021 You know how they work. Can't we just...? 308 00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:25,021 ...fahhk huh? -Hey? 309 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,021 -Fake it. -No. 310 00:13:27,021 --> 00:13:29,021 No, that is completely immoral. 311 00:13:29,021 --> 00:13:30,021 We can't just scam people. 312 00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:31,021 I mean, what? They have paid, like... 313 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:33,021 200 pounds each. 314 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,021 Although, yes, okay, thinking about it... 315 00:13:36,021 --> 00:13:38,021 It's a real haunted house, 316 00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:41,021 So it's just a white lie. 317 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,021 We have to fool them, 318 00:13:43,021 --> 00:13:46,021 -Because it is the right thing to do. 319 00:13:46,021 --> 00:13:47,021 Well. 320 00:13:49,021 --> 00:13:50,021 Hmm! 321 00:13:52,021 --> 00:13:56,021 -It's good to see you, see you... 322 00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:01,021 It's like I'm in the room. 323 00:14:01,021 --> 00:14:04,021 Gentlemen, an invasion is coming. 324 00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:06,021 Despite expressly prohibiting it, 325 00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,021 She just opened the border 326 00:14:07,021 --> 00:14:08,021 and let them all in. 327 00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,021 The place is flooded 328 00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:12,021 with eccentrics and fantasists. 329 00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:15,021 Uh-uh. No way, José. 330 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,021 We told him we weren't playing ball. 331 00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:19,021 Yes, there is nothing to see. 332 00:14:19,021 --> 00:14:21,021 -Smells like slash. -CAPTAIN: No, no. 333 00:14:21,021 --> 00:14:23,021 They are planning to fake everything. 334 00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:25,021 Pretending there are ghosts. 335 00:14:25,021 --> 00:14:27,021 I mean it's a mockery of our own existence. 336 00:14:27,021 --> 00:14:30,021 But these people came here to see Fanny. 337 00:14:30,021 --> 00:14:33,021 Yes, and they can hardly fake that. 338 00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:36,021 Well, that's all. Well, they still need you. 339 00:14:36,021 --> 00:14:38,021 Of course! Come on! 340 00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:40,021 We'll have to find you a place to hide. 341 00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:43,021 -Come on. Come with me. -Come on, monkey. 342 00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:45,021 Let's put an end to this. 343 00:14:45,021 --> 00:14:46,021 I didn't die to let someone else 344 00:14:46,021 --> 00:14:48,021 Fake the skills I have perfected in death. 345 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:50,021 without giving me a smartphone. 346 00:14:51,021 --> 00:14:52,021 That? 347 00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:58,021 And I... I'll stay here and watch... 348 00:14:59,021 --> 00:15:01,021 This wall. 349 00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:07,021 Hmm. 350 00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:08,021 -MIKE: Oh yes, 351 00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:09,021 This part of the house 352 00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:11,021 It has a lot of paranormal activity. 353 00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,021 Oh, how exciting! 354 00:15:13,021 --> 00:15:16,021 -I hope we see some. -Kitty, I think so. 355 00:15:16,021 --> 00:15:17,021 WOMAN: Ready, one, two. Ready. Ready. 356 00:15:17,021 --> 00:15:19,021 KITTY: Everyone stay together! 357 00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:21,021 WOMAN: One, two, two, two. 358 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:25,021 Visit Pagham to buy a pig. 359 00:15:25,021 --> 00:15:28,021 Alright. It's 9:07 p.m. 360 00:15:28,021 --> 00:15:30,021 Recording in zone four for EVP. 361 00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:33,021 -That? -Electronic voice phenomena. 362 00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:38,021 Captures vocal frequencies of disembodied entities. 363 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:43,021 Ghosts, Danni, the voices of ghosts. 364 00:15:43,021 --> 00:15:46,021 -Okay, proceed to area three. -Er... 365 00:15:46,021 --> 00:15:48,021 The kitchen, Danni. Check your map. 366 00:15:49,021 --> 00:15:52,021 -Did you hear that? -That? 367 00:15:52,021 --> 00:15:53,021 That thing over there picks up ghost voices. 368 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,021 Maybe we can help after all! 369 00:15:57,021 --> 00:15:58,021 -Alison help? -Yeah. 370 00:15:58,021 --> 00:16:00,021 Speak into that microphone, 371 00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:03,021 and we can prove that this house is haunted. 372 00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:04,021 What would we say? 373 00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:05,021 Hey... 374 00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:12,021 Hello and, ahem, welcome to Button Hou... 375 00:16:12,021 --> 00:16:15,021 Oh! Welcome to Button FM! 376 00:16:16,021 --> 00:16:17,021 I'm Pat Butcher. 377 00:16:17,021 --> 00:16:19,021 Build-build-build-build! 378 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:22,021 The best DJ in the area. 379 00:16:24,021 --> 00:16:27,021 And the renowned poet accompanies me this week 380 00:16:27,021 --> 00:16:29,021 Thomas Thorne! How are you, Thomas? 381 00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:33,021 Thomas, we're on the air. 382 00:16:36,021 --> 00:16:38,021 And we'll be right back with Thomas. 383 00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:42,021 after this song by local band Chicken and Chips. 384 00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:44,021 It's called Where's the Cream? 385 00:16:44,021 --> 00:16:47,021 Greetings, my apostles of the apparition. 386 00:16:47,021 --> 00:16:49,021 The ghost general here, 387 00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:52,021 On the hunt in the Button House kitchen, 388 00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:55,021 where it is said that restless spirits... 389 00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:58,021 Turn off the light. 390 00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:01,021 Was that all? 391 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,021 Well, yeah, but it's really creepy. 392 00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,021 Because it's when you least expect it... 393 00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:08,021 generally. 394 00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:10,021 -Robin! -Oh, it's not me. 395 00:17:12,021 --> 00:17:13,021 Oh, how clever! 396 00:17:13,021 --> 00:17:15,021 Well, why don't you sleep with her then? 397 00:17:15,021 --> 00:17:17,021 GEOFF: Honey, we've talked about this. 398 00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:19,021 Two can play this game. 399 00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:23,021 That! 400 00:17:28,021 --> 00:17:29,021 -Oh! 401 00:17:29,021 --> 00:17:33,021 Hello! Who is the dad? Who is the dad? I'm dad. 402 00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:52,021 -MAN: Oh, God! 403 00:17:53,021 --> 00:17:54,021 Things are starting here, guys. 404 00:17:54,021 --> 00:17:56,021 This is getting pretty creepy. 405 00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:59,021 Oh yeah, that's really thrown them off. 406 00:18:00,021 --> 00:18:01,021 Oh... 407 00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:02,021 No. 408 00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:08,021 Okay, calm down. Calm down. 409 00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:11,021 It's over, right? It's over. 410 00:18:11,021 --> 00:18:12,021 Do you want some milk? 411 00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:15,021 -Do you... Do you want a glass of milk? 412 00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:17,021 Oh, that really scared them. 413 00:18:20,021 --> 00:18:22,021 Well then, let's go to the ballroom. 414 00:18:23,021 --> 00:18:26,021 Well, we know where they aren't. 415 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,021 Come on, Fanny, down! 416 00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:31,021 But it's cold and wet down there. 417 00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:32,021 You can't feel the cold. 418 00:18:34,021 --> 00:18:35,021 Hey. 419 00:18:36,021 --> 00:18:38,021 Or can we? 420 00:18:38,021 --> 00:18:42,021 Yes, cool down muscles, improve performance. 421 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,021 A little night air might give me an advantage. 422 00:18:52,021 --> 00:18:54,021 And of course your poetry rhymes, 423 00:18:54,021 --> 00:18:57,021 which is A, more difficult, 424 00:18:57,021 --> 00:18:59,021 and B, show that you have true passion 425 00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:00,021 For the English language. 426 00:19:00,021 --> 00:19:02,021 Is it fair to say it? 427 00:19:04,021 --> 00:19:05,021 Yes. 428 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:09,021 And we'll go back to Thomas. 429 00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:11,021 After these announcements. 430 00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,021 Buy cheese. 431 00:19:19,021 --> 00:19:20,021 Please. 432 00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,021 Luisa. 433 00:19:24,021 --> 00:19:27,021 Buy Louise's Pleasing cheese, 434 00:19:27,021 --> 00:19:31,021 Made with only the freshest Jersey milk, 435 00:19:31,021 --> 00:19:35,021 Carefully petted from our completely Frisian flock... 436 00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:42,021 And we have many poltergeists 437 00:19:42,021 --> 00:19:43,021 But that's where I live. 438 00:19:44,021 --> 00:19:46,021 Oh, we also have 439 00:19:46,021 --> 00:19:49,021 a smell...tergeist, smell-tergeist. 440 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,021 We are overwhelmed. 441 00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:51,021 ALISON: If you just take one step here. 442 00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:58,021 -Do you smell that? 443 00:19:58,021 --> 00:20:01,021 -Yes, yes, I smell it. -Cunning cow. 444 00:20:01,021 --> 00:20:05,021 It smells like fire, but there is no fire. 445 00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:08,021 -Apart from that one. 446 00:20:08,021 --> 00:20:10,021 Oh, come on. 447 00:20:10,021 --> 00:20:12,021 -GHOST HUNTER: Do you think we should leave this? 448 00:20:12,021 --> 00:20:14,021 I mean, that's not what... Okay. 449 00:20:15,021 --> 00:20:17,021 We will return to this. 450 00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:20,021 Now, anyway, let's get back to the 451 00:20:20,021 --> 00:20:21,021 Where? 452 00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:23,021 - Wait. 453 00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,021 There it is now. 454 00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:27,021 Don't let it eat me! 455 00:20:36,021 --> 00:20:38,021 -Wow! 456 00:20:42,021 --> 00:20:45,021 I hope you're seeing this. 457 00:20:46,021 --> 00:20:48,021 This is the true thing. 458 00:20:57,021 --> 00:20:58,021 -MAN: It's moving again. 459 00:21:04,021 --> 00:21:05,021 Evening. 460 00:21:05,021 --> 00:21:09,021 Just resting my finger on this cup. 461 00:21:25,021 --> 00:21:27,021 Wow, wow! Did you see that? 462 00:21:27,021 --> 00:21:28,021 That...? 463 00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:29,021 -EXPERT IN THE PARANORMAL: Wow, uh... -Oh, yes. 464 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,021 That actually shocked me a lot, guys. 465 00:21:32,021 --> 00:21:33,021 I'm going to have to sit down. 466 00:21:33,021 --> 00:21:37,021 -It's not ideal. -And these episodes are kinetic? 467 00:21:37,021 --> 00:21:39,021 Does it have anything to do with the appearance of the whole body? 468 00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:41,021 The gray lady, Danni. 469 00:21:41,021 --> 00:21:43,021 Well, I mean she can be a little elusive, 470 00:21:43,021 --> 00:21:45,021 But, hey, I'm crossing my fingers. 471 00:21:47,021 --> 00:21:49,021 WOMAN: This is another room that is said to be haunted. 472 00:21:49,021 --> 00:21:51,021 Oh no, not again! 473 00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,021 Hello, I'm back. 474 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,021 Sorry, I just had to take a minute to, uh... 475 00:21:56,021 --> 00:21:58,021 Oh, what is that? What was that? 476 00:21:58,021 --> 00:21:59,021 What was that? 477 00:21:59,021 --> 00:22:01,021 Well, I can smell burning. 478 00:22:01,021 --> 00:22:04,021 -Uh oh, that's so weird. 479 00:22:04,021 --> 00:22:05,021 Okay, I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. 480 00:22:05,021 --> 00:22:06,021 I'm going to have to get out of here. 481 00:22:06,021 --> 00:22:08,021 -I need some air. 482 00:22:08,021 --> 00:22:09,021 MARY: What was that? 483 00:22:13,021 --> 00:22:15,021 PLAGUE GHOST: What is that made of? 484 00:22:15,021 --> 00:22:16,021 -Sack? -Silk. 485 00:22:16,021 --> 00:22:19,021 Silk. And I said, "Don't touch." 486 00:22:19,021 --> 00:22:20,021 What keeps your hair in place? 487 00:22:20,021 --> 00:22:21,021 Oh, Walter, put it down. 488 00:22:21,021 --> 00:22:23,021 She's old enough to be your mother. 489 00:22:24,021 --> 00:22:25,021 Excuse me! 490 00:22:25,021 --> 00:22:28,021 -She looks like my mother.-That bothers me. 491 00:22:28,021 --> 00:22:30,021 Except the teeth. My mother had the most beautiful teeth. 492 00:22:30,021 --> 00:22:34,021 Can I go out now? Please! 493 00:22:37,021 --> 00:22:39,021 There. I begin my return when the hour chime rings. 494 00:22:40,021 --> 00:22:41,021 And who needs a stopwatch? 495 00:22:41,021 --> 00:22:44,021 Yes, a touch of night air on old calves, 496 00:22:44,021 --> 00:22:46,021 I should beat my pants in two minutes, 30. 497 00:22:46,021 --> 00:22:48,021 Isn't that right, boy? 498 00:22:49,021 --> 00:22:52,021 Oh, what do you know? Well, here we go. 499 00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:55,021 -Ah! How invigorating! 500 00:22:55,021 --> 00:22:59,021 -So, this Gray Lady... -Yes, yes, eh, be patient. 501 00:22:59,021 --> 00:23:00,021 Cookie? 502 00:23:02,021 --> 00:23:03,021 Oh, it'll just be a second. 503 00:23:04,021 --> 00:23:06,021 Any sign? 504 00:23:06,021 --> 00:23:07,021 No, I can't find it anywhere. 505 00:23:07,021 --> 00:23:09,021 Okay, so what are we going to do? 506 00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,021 'Because I promised these people a ghost of the Gray Lady. 507 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:12,021 -Why did you do that? -Because we have one. 508 00:23:15,021 --> 00:23:18,021 I think I have an idea. I just need to buy some time. 509 00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:19,021 -Yes of course. -Alright. 510 00:23:19,021 --> 00:23:21,021 JULIAN: No, the poltergeist was me. 511 00:23:21,021 --> 00:23:22,021 There are no ghosts chasing ghosts. 512 00:23:22,021 --> 00:23:25,021 -There is no ghost. -I know what I almost saw. 513 00:23:27,021 --> 00:23:30,021 Do you still want that phone? 514 00:23:30,021 --> 00:23:32,021 I need another explosion of that poltergeist act, 515 00:23:33,021 --> 00:23:34,021 Just while I figure something out. 516 00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:36,021 What are you saying? Do you want to play a few holes? 517 00:23:36,021 --> 00:23:38,021 Oh, it looks very good! 518 00:23:39,021 --> 00:23:40,021 There are some sweet vegetables. 519 00:23:43,021 --> 00:23:44,021 Okay, I'm in. 520 00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:45,021 -Yeah! -Hey! 521 00:23:45,021 --> 00:23:46,021 -Uh-uh-uh. -Brilliant! 522 00:23:46,021 --> 00:23:47,021 Now, do you see that cup? 523 00:23:48,021 --> 00:23:49,021 JULIÁN: Yes. 524 00:23:49,021 --> 00:23:51,021 ALISON: The moment you leave him, 525 00:23:51,021 --> 00:23:52,021 -Do the worst you can. -Alright. 526 00:23:54,021 --> 00:23:58,021 The maid's leg was Gwendoline... 527 00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:00,021 and the lustful dog... 528 00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:02,021 it was me 529 00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:10,021 Another poem by Thomas Thorne. 530 00:24:10,021 --> 00:24:13,021 And apologies to those still waiting. 531 00:24:13,021 --> 00:24:15,021 Well, let's see what we have. 532 00:24:15,021 --> 00:24:16,021 Join me next week when my guests will be 533 00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:17,021 Sheena Easton and Dudley Moore! 534 00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:21,021 The kitchen, Danni. Check your map. 535 00:24:21,021 --> 00:24:23,021 -There we go. -Fame at last. 536 00:24:35,021 --> 00:24:36,021 No, nothing. 537 00:24:37,021 --> 00:24:38,021 I thought about it so much. 538 00:24:38,021 --> 00:24:40,021 There is no power here. 539 00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,021 With experience you will be able to feel it. 540 00:24:43,021 --> 00:24:45,021 You can't learn that kind of thing. 541 00:24:45,021 --> 00:24:47,021 It is a gift, a vocation. Come on. 542 00:24:48,021 --> 00:24:50,021 You were great, mate. 543 00:24:51,021 --> 00:24:54,021 You have a bit of a squeaky record. 544 00:24:54,021 --> 00:24:55,021 and a tendency to chatter. 545 00:24:56,021 --> 00:24:57,021 Something to work on. 546 00:25:02,021 --> 00:25:04,021 Good. On their brands. 547 00:25:05,021 --> 00:25:07,021 Get ready and... 548 00:25:10,021 --> 00:25:12,021 CAPTAIN: For the King and the country! 549 00:25:12,021 --> 00:25:13,021 FANNY: Yes, yes. 550 00:25:13,021 --> 00:25:16,021 I will be sure to visit again very soon. 551 00:25:16,021 --> 00:25:19,021 Horrible creatures! I couldn't hold out another minute. 552 00:25:34,021 --> 00:25:37,021 There's a real feeling that you could literally... 553 00:25:37,021 --> 00:25:39,021 be a ghost on every corner. 554 00:25:40,021 --> 00:25:41,021 I mean, if I just pan, 555 00:25:41,021 --> 00:25:44,021 Do you have an idea of the real size? 556 00:25:46,021 --> 00:25:47,021 Oh no! 557 00:25:48,021 --> 00:25:49,021 Fanny is exposed! 558 00:26:15,021 --> 00:26:18,021 But unfortunately there is no Gray Lady. 559 00:26:18,021 --> 00:26:20,021 -Two, 29. 560 00:26:20,021 --> 00:26:22,021 He shaved a second. 561 00:26:24,021 --> 00:26:25,021 -Well done, Cap. -I knew it! 562 00:26:25,021 --> 00:26:27,021 It's the cold air, you see. I still have it. 563 00:26:27,021 --> 00:26:29,021 In my best moment. 564 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,021 Two minutes, 30, right? 565 00:26:30,021 --> 00:26:32,021 -Slower, if possible. 566 00:26:32,021 --> 00:26:34,021 Oh. 567 00:26:35,021 --> 00:26:36,021 The gray lady! 568 00:26:37,021 --> 00:26:40,021 There's free floating... In the area, uh... 569 00:26:41,021 --> 00:26:43,021 There's a ghost upstairs! 570 00:26:43,021 --> 00:26:47,021 -Good! Come on! -Alright. 571 00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,021 The ghost-ghost. 572 00:27:18,021 --> 00:27:20,021 Guys, here you are. 573 00:27:21,021 --> 00:27:22,021 I think I just saw a ghost there. 574 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:31,021 I'm really sorry again for... 575 00:27:32,021 --> 00:27:33,021 I'm sorry. 576 00:27:33,021 --> 00:27:35,021 You will hear from my lawyer. 577 00:27:37,021 --> 00:27:39,021 I'm really sorry again. 578 00:27:39,021 --> 00:27:41,021 For exploiting people 579 00:27:41,021 --> 00:27:42,021 Just because they are open minded enough 580 00:27:42,021 --> 00:27:44,021 accept the possibility that there may simply be 581 00:27:45,021 --> 00:27:46,021 Is there such a thing as ghosts? 582 00:27:46,021 --> 00:27:48,021 Because, let me tell you, 583 00:27:49,021 --> 00:27:52,021 There are spirits around us. 584 00:27:52,021 --> 00:27:54,021 I just hope that one day you get to hug them. 585 00:27:54,021 --> 00:27:56,021 At least. 586 00:27:58,021 --> 00:28:00,021 That must be irritating. 587 00:28:00,021 --> 00:28:03,021 Oh yes! Er, demon! 588 00:28:05,021 --> 00:28:07,021 -No. -Come on! 589 00:28:07,021 --> 00:28:08,021 -That doesn't really work, friend. -No, come on! 590 00:28:11,021 --> 00:28:12,021 It's already on the blogs. 591 00:28:12,021 --> 00:28:16,021 Aha, deception. 592 00:28:16,021 --> 00:28:18,021 -Well, let's get back to the weddings then. -Out! 593 00:28:19,021 --> 00:28:21,021 Get off the grass! 594 00:28:21,021 --> 00:28:24,021 -Get off the grass! -Now she does it. 595 00:28:24,021 --> 00:28:26,021 Get off the grass! 596 00:28:26,021 --> 00:28:28,021 Get off the grass! Get off the grass! 597 00:28:30,021 --> 00:28:33,021 Er, Alison, this has stopped working. 598 00:28:33,021 --> 00:28:35,021 It says "credit warning." 599 00:28:35,021 --> 00:28:37,021 something about in-app purchases, 600 00:28:37,021 --> 00:28:38,021 spending limits, blah-blah-blah. 601 00:28:38,021 --> 00:28:40,021 -180 pounds? -Well, yes. 602 00:28:41,021 --> 00:28:42,021 I had to buy some new clubs. 603 00:28:42,021 --> 00:28:45,021 In golf you have to be up to date with the latest technology. 604 00:28:45,021 --> 00:28:46,021 Oh, you didn't even make the mug. 605 00:28:46,021 --> 00:28:48,021 Oh yes. I'm sorry. 606 00:28:54,021 --> 00:28:55,021 There. 607 00:28:55,021 --> 00:28:58,021 Now I present to you my Nelson Mandela. 608 00:28:58,021 --> 00:28:59,021 ALISON: Oh, no, no, Julian, no.